Present Disgust and Past Reflections

For the past few days I've been reflecting upon a few years ago. Regarding me. One of my favorite memories of my life is my honeymoon. The first time to be alone with the one you love. Not just alone, but away and alone. What an awesome time we had! Now, overnight, we have 3 precious kids who have changed our lives forever. Then, I've been reflecting on my first home. We were only in our trailer for about a year before we moved. I barely remember the trailer. I try hard to think of things about it and it is very foggy. I worked so much during that time that I wasn't home too much. I was also quite moody during that time (BC pills). I have remembrances of crying several instances for no reason. I was a real whiny hole. Honest. So I've matured. That sorta comes with the kids thing. The main reflection I have is that I was skinny. I've been really thinking about how nice of a sleek, skinny, flabless figure I had back then. I'm really disgusted with my looks in general, which includes the wardrobe as well. The scales have not budged an ounce in a month now. I'm getting very impatient. I've heard it takes longer with each child, but my word, I should have at least lost 2 pounds in a month! I must have a lot of fat stores for my little nursling! Anyway, I'm dying to get down to 130. That is my ultimate goal. That's 4 pounds from my honeymoon weight. I'll take 140 by Christmas. I have about 9 pounds to lose. Surely, it can be done! My wardrobe has MUCH to be desired. I would love about $200 to spend on a new wardrobe. I could do it with $200. My clothes aren't even me. My clothes that I wear, I don't even like. I don't want to sound all discontent here. I'm really not. I wear the clothes, I'm happy in them, and I don't complain while I wear them. In fact, I'm not ready for a new wardrobe until I get the weight that I want to be. I refuse to be a drab mother of 3. I want to be as hip as I can be (being Pentecostal and all..lol) without looking like a teenager look alike. I want to still shop at Victoria's Secret and Buckle and Old Navy, etc. Anyway, just some reflections on my present disgust. I don't like what I see in the mirror. I know I'm being so vain, Lord forgive me. I'm being honest, but it's still vain. I do have beautiful, no, gorgeous children. They are my life. God is good. What a meaningless post. I apologize to all. This post would fit under one of those "Dear Diary" post.

I do want to say I'm thankful to still have my mom with me. She had a wreck on Saturday that could have been bad. She is unharmed and I'm so thankful. God is good, again.