Ever feel like a failure as a parent??

Yikes, today was one of those days where I did not connect with my children (esp Emory). I woke up ill, not ready to put up with toddlerisms. I think I was PMS-ing, but more about that later. I couldn't get a fire started, so layers of frustration began to add. Emory and Erin are in that stage where they love to chase each other and be silly together. It's cute for a while, but eventually one of them gets aggravated (usually Erin) and it turns ugly. My aggravation levels increase dramatically. Especially today. Ugh. Emory detects my aggravation which causes him to act horribly all day long (disobedient, intolerant, in general). I went to town which may have not been the best idea, but I didn't think I wanted to be stuck at home with him today. I feel awful about this because this is was my first day home for awhile (T-giving H-days). Anyway, at town, we were in line, and I felt like the mom and kids that the books talk about (whiney, "I want that", "I have to have that", etc.). I mean, it was if I was looking in on a scene from the Pearl's books. Anyway, it was a tough day. I think it was partly my fault. Emory needed my love this morning and I gave him frustration. He behaved as a result of my frustrations. Anyway, we 'talked' about our rough day and I told him I was sorry for being frustrated and we had a lovey time. We'll try again tomorrow. On a second thought, his dad being gone a couple of days could have played into his behavior. And, on third thought, he hasn't been able to play a lot (outside, etc) because of the cold weather. It makes sense that that would make one crabby. I really want to do the right thing as a parent. It's sooo hard to know exactly what to do and how/when to discipline when you there is circumstances involved. I mean, on a normal day, everyone and everything normal, and he misbehaves, I know how to handle it and it's effective. Anyway, it's just frustrating (there goes the frustrations again).

Onto another topic. This morning, I realized my ill temper was due to AF knocking at the door. So, I pulled out the calendar, and sure enough, I had 'started' on the 18th of last month. Today, being the 17th, time for her. However, looking at the calendar more closely, I began to count the days of my cycle for this month...over 28. Went back to count previous month's cycles..28 days exactly. Today, lots of cramping, no period. Funny. I always have period and then cramping. Hmm, EXCEPT the times I've been pregnant (3). I would always cramp about 3 days, all the while expecting my period, which would never come. So, since this evening, I really feel like I might be pregnant. Went online, date of conception would've been Oct 31 (Halloween...not necessarily a romantic holiday, eh?), but since I'm fertile about 20 days per month, it doesn't have to be Oct 31, per se. It could be Oct 21 or 25 or something like that. My little egg is really attached to me (no pun intended) and likes to stay for a few days (it's been proven...uh, my children). Go figure. So, I dunno. I know that if I don't start tomorrow, I'll go for a test. I'm really hoping I am. And if I'm not, then my excitement about *possibly* being pregnant means I'm really ready to get pregnant again. It also means, I really take my frustrated day lighter than normal people would. Cause normal people would probably be saying, "That's it. No.More.Kids." :)

Life is good, though. My adoring husband is back home. I realize when he is gone how so incomplete I am without him. My children, however they acted today, are my miracles, my offspring, one-half of me and the other half from the love of my life. Ahh, God is good.

Here's hoping for a fun, nice, productive, family-oriented, clean house, outside Saturday.
NaturalMamaX2